Movie Review- Five Dollars a Day

Wow. This is going to be different. I guess I have to learn how to write a review for a movie that was actually good. After such gems like "Salt" and "Rain Fall", I haven't really had much to work with. More surprising is my mom picked out this movie. Her selection strategy usually is "Hey, this has Jason Statham in it....its gotta be good right"? But "Five Dollars a Day" turned out to be a pretty decent comedy/drama.

Christopher Walken stars in this indie film, playing an extremely cheap dead-beat dad/swindler. His means of holding onto his cash include pretending to be a guest at hotels for the free breakfasts, using fake IDs at IHOP to get a free meal because its his "birthday", and driving a car advertising Sweet N' Low for the free gas. The Walken character was actually the reason Mom picked the movie out, because she is married to his doppelganger. My dad is also pretty notorious for his penny-pinching, and although he doesn't go as far as Walken (some of the stuff in the movie is probably prosecutable) does in "Five Dollars a Day", I have it on his own admission that he did once get free breakfast at a hotel he wasn't staying at. Of course, now that he has seen this film, I can look forward to having to bail him out of jail at some point.

The film isn't a constant laugh-a-thon like some more mainstream comedies, but it still has some pretty hilarious moments. The story is a unique and interesting one and I couldn't find any real flaws in the acting. Sharon Stone does make an appearance in this movie, but it is just a cameo, and there isn't any Basic Instinct moment either. I was pretty disappointed with the ending, when the movie became more of a drama, and left behind much of the comedy element. After some of the films I had been seeing, I was pretty depressed. Most of the film was pretty damn good though.

Verdict: "Five Dollars a Day" is just an indie film that probably had a limited release in theaters, but if your looking for a few good laughs coupled with a solid storyline, I recommend giving this one a shot. Grade: B+

If you liked this film you might like: can and bottle returns, coupons, and under-tipping the waiter. For a movie shout though, I liken this film a little bit to "Little Miss Sunshine".

Movie Review- Rain Fall: Rainin' Disappointment

I know I vowed to only give reviews for new(ish) movies, but this just has to be addressed. I am a big fan of the author Barry Eisler, particularly his John Rain series, about a half-American half-Japanese assassin. When a movie based on the first book "Rain Fall" came out in 2009 under the same title, I was pretty stoked. I just got my hands on the DVD the other day (the movie was only released in Japan). Wow. That is all I am going to say. I mean, were they trying to make a movie, or create like, an anti-movie, one for up and coming directors on what not to do?

Rain Fall the movie is a special kind of bad. We are talking Salt bad, if readers remember a recent post of mine about Angelina Jolie's Razzy Award candidate. I made it to about the 40 minute mark with Rain Fall, then decided I had more important things to do. Others were watching it with me, and since we paid for the piece of trash, we left in on. I used my laptop and half-listened at the same time. Awful, I mean, putrid acting. Gary Oldman, get a real job. Acting isn't your thing. Okay, the lines were probably written by someone who didn't know what a movie was (some of the worst dialogue I have ever heard, my eardrums bled a little bit) but still, just absolutely terrible acting. Effort anyone?, please? The editing? No Oscars for this one. It was like someone shot a whole bunch of different scenes that were totally unrelated, than threw them together and called in Rain Fall. One minute are hero John Rain is on the subway platform than BOOM, there is a random cop looking around someone's house. The movie barely kept in line with the book storyline. Even if it did, this movie would still be some kind of awful. The funny thing is, the summary given on the back of the DVD box was actually wildly different from what  happened in the movie. The story made almost no sense, and this wasn't aided by the atrocious editing, which just jumbled shit up and left the viewer confused. I read the book, and I had no idea what was going on. At all. Even the fight scenes sucked. The John Rain from the books would put down a knife-wielding yakuza thug with ease. The movie's John Rain? Sliced in the side....and has to run away. Seriously? Did the director read the book? Or saw the cover, read the synopsis and thought: "OK, get Gary Oldman on the phone, I got something....."

Barry Eisler needs to distance himself from the movie. Not only is the movie just a total insult to the film industry, I died inside a little bit knowing it was "based" on what is a very very good novel. Barry, your books are way behind this, just disavow all knowledge of this movie.

Verdict: Read the book, burn the movie. Grade: F
If you liked this movie you might like: Salt. 

The Year in Pictures

The year is coming to a close, and with it comes one of my favorite items: The International Herald Tribune's (basically the New York Times) Year in Pictures, posted here: http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/photo/2010-year-in-pictures/

I fancy myself to be a fairly decent photographer, but  I really admire the work done by some of the paper's photographers. Not only are the photos impressive, but they also allow for one to reflect what has taken place around the World throughout the year.

Some of the notable events this year were: The devastating earthquake in Haiti, the British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, the Icelandic volcano blast that caused travel chaos around Europe, the FIFA World Cup in South Africa (Africa's first World Cup), the trapped Chilean miners, floods in Pakistan,  forest fires in Russia, the mid-term elections in the U.S. and the North Korean shelling of a South Korean island.

With the exception of the World Cup, not many of the headline-grabbers this year were really positive. Though the Chilean miners all coming out alive was of course a good and happy ending. I am hoping the new year will bring some more positive news, like "Bill Clinton on 'Dancing with the Stars'"!! Though, with the ever increasing hostility between North and South Korea looking to spill over into the new year, I think Mr. Clinton will probably be over in the Far East doing some mediating, and not dancing with some has-been actors and sport-stars (That show had Michael Bolton and Mario Lopez on there...I rest my case). The Ivory Coast looks like its about to implode into civil war (yep, again), still 9.6% unemployment in the United States, no real end in site for the war in Afghanistan, a junta still in control in Myanmar, riots in Greece and Italy....2011 is shaping up to be a real cream-puff folks.

Maybe Arsenal will actually win a trophy at the end of season.....

Salt: A bitter taste

Twenty minutes and forty-six seconds. That is how long I could stand this movie before I said no more. I wasn't going to spend the next hour of my life on this piece of shit. The dialogue right from the start was just miserable. It sounded like they didn't even really try, like maybe the audience with be so enthralled by the action that they will not even hear the words. The acting? Well there is Angelina Jolie,Chiwetel Ejiofor,  and Liev Schrieber. Sounded pretty promising, but it wasn't. I am going to chalk this one up to bad screenplay and dialogue, but the acting was below sub-par. I couldn't even really believe what I was seeing. I hope the individual or individuals behind this movie's script were dragged out into the street and shot. Don't even get me started on the storyline. After twenty minutes I could tell this was just going to be a stupid experience. Russians creating super-spies to bring down  America. Spies trained by a "spymaster". That's right, spymaster, they actually used that word in the movie! Even the Austin Powers' films could get better wording.

I wasn't expecting much from "Salt", but, I wasn't expecting a such insult to the movie industry either. I thought it might be a fun action flick, but you know, I have my standards. After the extreme mediocrity of the opening half, I just totally lost interest. Hell, sounds like North and South Korea are preparing for war, I might just watch that instead. Too bad there is no more Mystery Science Theater 3000, because "Salt" would make for a good one.

Verdict: Don't, just don't. Grade: F

If you liked this movie you might like: Every bad movie ever made.

The American: I hope you don't have much else to do

George Clooney. A mysterious assassin in Italy on a last job. Wow. Sounds riveting.
No. Not at all actually. Boring, dreadfully boring. I stopped watching it a couple times because I was losing interest and wanted to do some other things. One of those was take a walk outside. That's right, I preferred walking in the dark at freezing temperatures over staying at my laptop watching The American. I liked the premise, and indeed there were some good parts, but this movie was as slow as George W. Bush trying to do a sudoku. I am not all that surprised really, Clooney's recent flicks haven't really been fast-paced, action shoot-em-ups. Syriana, a movie I really liked, was pretty slow. Obviously a movie doesn't have to be like one of the "Transporter" franchise in order to be good. In the American, however, there just wasn't really enough of a story to keep one riveted, at least that is how I felt. There are a couple of action sequences, but that is not all I am really looking for. The story felt just kind of ho-hum. The viewer actually doesn't much idea what is going on, except that Clooney is on some sort of job, which is really just to assemble a weapon....for another assassin (yeah, I know, kind of strange). There is very very little dialogue in the movie, and Mr. Clooney spends most of it either looking sad or really pissed. I don't think any Oscars are going to come out of this one. The guy was pretty rigid throughout the whole thing. Part way through  I was thinking: "man, if I went to the theaters to see this thing, I would start shouting random shit just to make it interesting".

I would say this movie has two redeeming qualities: It takes place in Italy, which means there is some pretty cool imagery in it. For a traveling man like myself,  I really enjoyed the setting of this film. The other was the ending. There is a bit of a surprise ending the film, so it wasn't a bore all the way through. There is also some pretty steamy sex scenes, but that might not be a redeeming quality.

I like Clooney and, again, I liked the premise to this film, but it just doesn't come off. Slow is the word of the day, and it doesn't work all that hard to keep the audiences' interest. Definitely not a movie to watch before you go to bed, you will probably end up sleeping on the couch. But if we put Jason Statham in the role.....

Verdict: Stick with the Bourne films.  Grade: C

If you liked this movie you might like: Watching paint dry, or maybe watching grass grow.

A Quick Note

I will be back shortly with some new material: Movie reviews! I have just...emm....acquired, if you will (The Moose and Tractor mate at midnight-code for any of my less than savory deeds) two "new" (newish?) films, George Clooney's "The American" and Angie Jolie's "Salt". As soon as I watch them, I will put down my thoughts.

Also, Arsenal play Stoke City on Saturday. I look forward to that, but if we somehow contrive to lose that affair, I will probably kill myself.

Back soon.

Back to Egypt.....

Luke and I, after taking our felucca ride, also explored Downtown Cairo a little bit. Downtown is the more modern shopping area of the city. Of course, it was an an absolute sea of people, with even more cars jamming the streets. Some young guy waiting at a crosswalk said I looked Egyptian because I was sporting a beard (when in Rome....) and also that his brother had a perfume shop, and he just wanted to take us down there and give me a business card. Right. Obviously he thought I was born yesterday. No thanks fella. On the way back to the hotel we had the taxi driver stop at Anwar Sadat's tomb, a huge pyramid-like structure right across from the viewing platform where he was gunned down. That particular cab driver inquired if Luke and I were and item (with some amount of disgust I might add). I quickly put that one to rest. I mean, really?

The two of us young guns still had a day on our own the next day, and we decided to hire the friendly cab driver Sayed to take us to a few spots. We checked out the Citadel, an old fortress on a hill that has a large mosque and some museums within its walls. We walked around the outside of the military museum, which had some pretty neat stuff. We noticed a sign near the museum entrance written in Korean. Strange.....whats that doing here.....then we saw the English version. The gracious government of North Korea funded the building of the museum. Nice.

Sayed also kindly took us to another large mosque called Sultan Hassan. It was the mosque Obama visited when he made his speech in Cairo. First Obama came, then Adam (people love that joke. I used in in Shanghai with my girlfriend's parents when they mentioned Bill Clinton being there...killed 'em). Afterward, Sayed drove us through a part of the city known as the City of the Dead. It is an expansive old cemetery that, over the years and due to reasons of overpopulation and lack of formal housing, large numbers of people have actually moved into and begun living amongst the tombs. It is now a large, vibrant neighborhood. We saw coffee shops right next to mausoleums. The conditions were slum-like, with a number of feral dogs running about and garbage strewn everywhere and we only drove through briefly, but I think it was one of the most interesting parts of Cairo.

Our last day in Cairo, this time with Dad back in the team, we went to something called the October 1973 Panorama. It is a large panorama dedicated to Egypt's feats in the Yom Kippur War (or October War, depending which side you were on). Now, Egypt lost that one, but, you got to celebrate something, right? Visitors sit on a platform which slowly rotates around the diorama, which is part illustration and part three-dimensional model, depicting this one (and probably only) battle the Egyptian forces won over the Israelis. There was a voice-over and the necessary sound effects, like bombs going-off, as well. Of course, we couldn't understand a word of the voice-over because it was in Arabic. There was an English version, but tickets were two-hundred pounds each, compared to the twenty that we payed for Arabic. I think we got the gist of it anyway. What was even more fun was when we got out of the show. There were all these Egyptian kids, apparently on a class trip to learn more about their brave army. I got the feeling they really weren't city folk because we were rock-stars to these kids. They were really stoked to see foreigners. As we made our way to the exit, we were just swarmed by excited little kids. "Whats your name"? "Where are you from"? was about all they had for English vocabulary. Though one girl motioned at me and Luke, again, wanting to know the extent of our relationship. To the kids' delight, we snapped some photos of them, but their chaperons seemed to be getting pretty pissed, so we made our exit. I'll get some of the photos up here soon. Oh, and who built the Panorama? The government of North Korea.

Of course, with the Kwiats, you can't just end a trip without a little bit of awkwardness. We still had some time left to kill, and on the street outside the Panorama, Dad said there were some murals he wanted to see. He had the name of the street written in Arabic, but unfortunately we didn't think "mural" would compute with any taxi driver. So Dad, in all of his brilliance, drew a picture.

Dad's little sketch of a mural on a wall actually wasn't too bad. Of course it didn't work. He hailed a cab driver and showed him the sketch along with the street name. The driver had no idea went the hell this crazy white dude wanted. Dad of course kept on trying with him. I don't know why but, he did. Well, our position just so happened to be right outside of some kind of government building. The guards were getting a little jumpy with this cab sitting in the front of the entrance for such a long time. So now they wanted to help, to move the process along. One of the guys asked if we spoke German, winning the prize for most random question of the day. The cab driver was getting irked, because he thought we wanted to go to the Pyramids, which would have been a huge fare for him, when we just wanted to go somewhere along that street. The security personnel motioned that we could go inside the building, probably so they could beat us with hoses and phone books.  I said to Dad "let's drop this, like right now". We quickly said thank-you and just walked on up the street to catch a ride back to the hotel.

The next morning Luke and I had an early flight to Frankfurt, Germany, where we would get a connection to Washington Dulles. It was around that time that Europe was getting hit with snow, so we got a little nervous. Luckily we dodged it, not even experiencing a delay.

With that the three-week European/African adventure came to a conclusion.About 30 seconds after I walked through our front door, I was already thinking: "Well, where to next"?