I should apologize to my readership, who depend upon my written word (ok, that might be a slight exaggeration) for such a long hiatus since my last post (May 11), but I was busy playing host to Jiayi, who visited for a week. But, as luck would have it, I am rewarding you all with a movie review bonanza! Four, count 'em, four movies! That is more movies than entered into this year's Cannes Film Festival (Tree of Life, a Terrance Malick film, won. If one of his movies won, there must have been no other entrees, either that or the others were all Steven Seagal movies, after he became fat). Well, its actually more like three and a half, as will become apparent. Well, lets not waste any more time, here, all in one post, are the verdicts:
1. Faster: This movie made me slower.
Faster is an action film starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, who plays a thief an a mission to avenge all those involved in his thief brother's death. The movie also has Billy Bob Thorton, which is indicative of one thing: someone out there still thinks that Billy Bob Thorton can act. Anyway, to make a not very long story short: Awful movie. Atrocious. Acting was non-existent, though I didn't really expect any for an action movie with The Rock, so we won't count that against it. The storyline wasn't original in anyway, but it was still bad. There were plot elements that literally made no sense and had no relation to the main storyline. It was like someone accidentally included parts from an entirely different movie in the script.
For an action film the action wasn't even really that good, and to top it off there was a complete lack of any realism. Again, for an action flick, one doesn't really expect much realism, but this movie was getting up to "Crank" levels of stupidity. The editing department obviously was told to stay home on this one. There was one scene where The Rock uses a touch phone to make a call, then after a few moments makes another call, using an entirely different phone. Please people, don't make me laugh.
Verdict: You are joking right? Grade: F; even for a mindless action film, "Faster" really loses the plot.
If you liked this film you might also like: "Salt" and "Rainfall" two others who have fallen afoul of these pages.
2. Thor: Hammer Drop
Maybe its a rainy day out and there is nothing to do around the house, both common occurrences in upstate New York. You will look at your spouse/friend/girlfriend/dog and say "hey, lets go see a movie" (much to the dog's disappointment). You might decide to go see the recently released "Thor". I am telling you that that would be a seriously bad idea. "Thor" is the worst movie I have seen in 2011. Yes, I know, I just got done reviewing "Faster", but "Thor" is really something special. At least in "Faster" I had the enjoyment of watching Billy Bob blunder his way through an acting role.
I feel like the Marvel Comic movies have on the whole been pretty decent, but their stock just went way way down. There are some big names in this one too: Anthony Hopkins and Natalie Portman. Stellan Skarsgard, an actor I very much like and respect, was unfortunately cast as well. Jeremy Renner even made a cameo appearance. Oh Jeremy, stick with the "Hurt Locker" and "The Town", movies of those ilk, this was so far beneath you. The acting and the lines in this movie were so bad that at points I would laugh out loud. You know that cliche that waiters in Hollywood restaurants always want to hand off scripts to movie execs? Well, some lucky waiter must have found someone having a good day, because his script made it to the big screen with this one. The story was incredibly dumb. Maybe its because I am not a big sci-fi guy, but I can still get into it if it is good enough. In "Thor", it wasn't. I thought that the Thor of the comic books used a hammer to beat the shit out of bad guys. Such a simple plot would have been better than the trash displayed here. I wanted to see Thor dishing out ownage here on earth, not seeing what happens on his fictional planet. Some elements of the plot weren't even explained at all. They just happened, leaving everyone scratching their heads.
Verdict: You would be better off using a hammer and smashing yourself in the face. Grade: F; It has a decent rating on IMDB, don't believe it, its crap. There are much better things, older and newer, out there.
If you liked this movie you might also like: Try this one on for size: Plan 9 from Outer Space. Yes, I thought it was that bad.
3. Public Enemies:Yawn
"Public Enemies", with everyone's two favorite actors, Johnny Depp and Christian Bale, was the "half" movie I was referring to earlier. Jiayi and I watched about half of it and decided enough was enough. Dreadfully boring. I remember being really stoked when this movie came out in 2009, but never got around to seeing it after hearing some mixed reviews. Well, I can understand now. There is a good plot there, and some good acting, but it moves at such a slow pace, is pretty boring, and far too long, and over two hours. Again, decent marks for the acting, but it wasn't enough to make the movie interesting. Much too slow. A disappointment really, for I too am a big fan of both of those fine actors.
Verdict: I wouldn't recommend it, but maybe someone else with more patience could finish it. Grade: C
If you liked this movie you might also like: The Untouchables, which is much better than this.
4. LA Confidential: Hush Hush
A Four Corners' Movie Review Board classic! I have vowed to only review newer films, but here I have decided to do a throwback edition. In a way it was necessary, with all the failure and mediocrity I have seen in recent days. "LA Confidential" was the only film I saw in the past two weeks that I liked. I am sure many have seen this, and if you haven't, you should. Its a star-studded film, and unlike other films filled with big names (Oceans 12 and 13 anyone?), "LA" is very good, and the acting is of the highest caliber. It was fun watching young Russell Crowe and Guy Pearce in early roles, and excelling at them. If you are a fan of detective noir films, look no further than this film. The story line got a little confusing, but was interesting and engrossing to the point that you didn't want it to finish. I would very much like to see more films made in this vein, and with the same amount of quality. Unlikely though, we will probably get "Thor 2" sooner. "LA" is an absolutely fantastic film, and can more than pull one out of a movie slump.
Verdict: See it, you won't regret it. Grade: A
If you liked this movie you might also like: Raymond Chandler and James Ellroy novels or hookers cut to look like movie stars.
1. Faster: This movie made me slower.
Faster is an action film starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, who plays a thief an a mission to avenge all those involved in his thief brother's death. The movie also has Billy Bob Thorton, which is indicative of one thing: someone out there still thinks that Billy Bob Thorton can act. Anyway, to make a not very long story short: Awful movie. Atrocious. Acting was non-existent, though I didn't really expect any for an action movie with The Rock, so we won't count that against it. The storyline wasn't original in anyway, but it was still bad. There were plot elements that literally made no sense and had no relation to the main storyline. It was like someone accidentally included parts from an entirely different movie in the script.
For an action film the action wasn't even really that good, and to top it off there was a complete lack of any realism. Again, for an action flick, one doesn't really expect much realism, but this movie was getting up to "Crank" levels of stupidity. The editing department obviously was told to stay home on this one. There was one scene where The Rock uses a touch phone to make a call, then after a few moments makes another call, using an entirely different phone. Please people, don't make me laugh.
Verdict: You are joking right? Grade: F; even for a mindless action film, "Faster" really loses the plot.
If you liked this film you might also like: "Salt" and "Rainfall" two others who have fallen afoul of these pages.
2. Thor: Hammer Drop
Maybe its a rainy day out and there is nothing to do around the house, both common occurrences in upstate New York. You will look at your spouse/friend/girlfriend/dog and say "hey, lets go see a movie" (much to the dog's disappointment). You might decide to go see the recently released "Thor". I am telling you that that would be a seriously bad idea. "Thor" is the worst movie I have seen in 2011. Yes, I know, I just got done reviewing "Faster", but "Thor" is really something special. At least in "Faster" I had the enjoyment of watching Billy Bob blunder his way through an acting role.
I feel like the Marvel Comic movies have on the whole been pretty decent, but their stock just went way way down. There are some big names in this one too: Anthony Hopkins and Natalie Portman. Stellan Skarsgard, an actor I very much like and respect, was unfortunately cast as well. Jeremy Renner even made a cameo appearance. Oh Jeremy, stick with the "Hurt Locker" and "The Town", movies of those ilk, this was so far beneath you. The acting and the lines in this movie were so bad that at points I would laugh out loud. You know that cliche that waiters in Hollywood restaurants always want to hand off scripts to movie execs? Well, some lucky waiter must have found someone having a good day, because his script made it to the big screen with this one. The story was incredibly dumb. Maybe its because I am not a big sci-fi guy, but I can still get into it if it is good enough. In "Thor", it wasn't. I thought that the Thor of the comic books used a hammer to beat the shit out of bad guys. Such a simple plot would have been better than the trash displayed here. I wanted to see Thor dishing out ownage here on earth, not seeing what happens on his fictional planet. Some elements of the plot weren't even explained at all. They just happened, leaving everyone scratching their heads.
Verdict: You would be better off using a hammer and smashing yourself in the face. Grade: F; It has a decent rating on IMDB, don't believe it, its crap. There are much better things, older and newer, out there.
If you liked this movie you might also like: Try this one on for size: Plan 9 from Outer Space. Yes, I thought it was that bad.
3. Public Enemies:Yawn
"Public Enemies", with everyone's two favorite actors, Johnny Depp and Christian Bale, was the "half" movie I was referring to earlier. Jiayi and I watched about half of it and decided enough was enough. Dreadfully boring. I remember being really stoked when this movie came out in 2009, but never got around to seeing it after hearing some mixed reviews. Well, I can understand now. There is a good plot there, and some good acting, but it moves at such a slow pace, is pretty boring, and far too long, and over two hours. Again, decent marks for the acting, but it wasn't enough to make the movie interesting. Much too slow. A disappointment really, for I too am a big fan of both of those fine actors.
Verdict: I wouldn't recommend it, but maybe someone else with more patience could finish it. Grade: C
If you liked this movie you might also like: The Untouchables, which is much better than this.
4. LA Confidential: Hush Hush
A Four Corners' Movie Review Board classic! I have vowed to only review newer films, but here I have decided to do a throwback edition. In a way it was necessary, with all the failure and mediocrity I have seen in recent days. "LA Confidential" was the only film I saw in the past two weeks that I liked. I am sure many have seen this, and if you haven't, you should. Its a star-studded film, and unlike other films filled with big names (Oceans 12 and 13 anyone?), "LA" is very good, and the acting is of the highest caliber. It was fun watching young Russell Crowe and Guy Pearce in early roles, and excelling at them. If you are a fan of detective noir films, look no further than this film. The story line got a little confusing, but was interesting and engrossing to the point that you didn't want it to finish. I would very much like to see more films made in this vein, and with the same amount of quality. Unlikely though, we will probably get "Thor 2" sooner. "LA" is an absolutely fantastic film, and can more than pull one out of a movie slump.
Verdict: See it, you won't regret it. Grade: A
If you liked this movie you might also like: Raymond Chandler and James Ellroy novels or hookers cut to look like movie stars.
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